Love Addicts: 15 Confessions From People In The Most Complex Relationships
Love is an amazing thing. We write songs and books and poems about it, we make movies and TV shows centred around it, we tell our friends and family and pets that we love them, bur what happens when love starts to control us? What happens when we live our lives searching for love and affection, at the expense of everything else, including our own well-being?
For those addicted to love and sensuality, that’s what life is like. Sure, addictions like these have been maligned by society and pop culture once more and more people began claiming addictions to excuse or explain their infidelity when really they were just cheating jerks, but it is an actual issue that many people deal with. A normal, functioning, and healthy relationship can seem impossible to people who are addicted to love and physical intimacy because the temptation to stray is everywhere. Like drugs or alcohol, addicts will sacrifice whatever the need to in order to get what they’re looking for.
Thanks to Whisper, we were able to get an inside look at the lives of those addicted to love and how it affects them on a day-to-day basis. It might surprise you to see how much of a toll such a taboo addiction takes.
15Happiness Is Dependent On One Sole Thing
It’s a misconception to equate love with obsession, and being happy about pining over someone means that you actually prefer when you can’t happen as opposed to when you can. Pining over someone might make you feel like you have some sort of purpose, or some end goal, but if you finally got what you wanted, after spending so much time romanticizing it, would it live up to your expectations? Probably not.
Codependency is a very real issue that a lot of people addicted to love or s*x find themselves dealing with. They’ve bought into the notion that they’re not a whole person, but simply one half of a whole that isn’t complete without a partner. We’re not purporting to be therapists or relationship experts, but it doesn’t take a medical degree to realize that there are some self-esteem issues at play here. We hope that this Whisper user can eventually learn that they’re more than enough, all by themselves.
14Hiding It From The People Who Care Most
Okay, okay, we know that this guy is probably a major d-bag, even if he does have an addiction. Seriously, how many celebrities in the past have tried to explain away their infidelity by claiming to have a s*x addition or addictive behaviours when it comes to other women? After a few too many high-profile cases, it gets harder and harder so excuse plain jerky behaviour.
With this Whisper confession, we wonder if perhaps the user wouldn’t be better off simply playing the field (and saving his girlfriend from heartache). Plus, while he says his GF doesn’t know about his adulterous behaviour, we’re willing to bet that she has an inkling that all isn’t right in their relationship. With so many other women on the go, she’s got to be at least a little bit suspicious! For her sake, we hope she learns about his antics sooner rather than later.
A lot of us love the honeymoon phase that comes with a new relationship or crush. The butterflies, the newness of it all, the anticipation that comes from seeing them – it’s a lot of fun before you settle into a routine and discover that stuff that makes a relationship last longer. But, this Whisper user hit the nail on the head when it comes to love addiction. Falling in love is a rush, just like a drug, and the high probably becomes shorter and shorter the more it happens, especially if you’re chasing it like this guy.
However, despite all that, we think this Whisper user is pretty damn manipulative to play these women like instruments, using them for what he wants before totally ghosting. If he’s making them fall in love with him, like he says, then he’s gaming their emotions and that is something we can’t agree with. We know that addicts don’t always make responsible decisions, but surely recognizing his behaviour is step one?
12In It For The Thrill
The thing with love and s*x addiction is that you’re willing to get it from anyone, anywhere, even if you consciously know you’re making terrible and possibly harmful decisions (and even if the person in question isn’t someone you’d normally give the time of day to). Hooking up with a guy you’ve brought back from the club is one thing, but having a series of one-night stands just for the thrill can be dangerous!
We’re certainly not ones to judge the after-dark antics of someone we don’t even know, but we do wish this Whisper user would seek help for what is clearly a form of self-harm. They hate what they’re doing and recognize it as wrong, but they can’t break the cycle they’ve become so used to. Not only are they addicted to the feeling of love or doing the dirty with someone who is essentially a stranger, but the thrill and power that comes from doing it is definitely a difficult habit to break.
11Caught In A Vicious Cycle
Like the Whisper user a couple confessions ago, this writer finds some of the thrill in the manipulation. If you’re feeling out of control in other aspects of your life, being able to use people to meet your own ends can be an alluring method of taking back that control in some way. Just like other addictions such as drugs or alcohol or eating disorders, love addiction narrows your focus to one thing: find love, chase that high, and find someone else to fill the void after the initial high wear off.
However, true love requires some commitment, which this Whisper user obviously struggles with. That would require laying your emotions and vulnerabilities bare, and if you’re not able to recognize your emotions and their sources, how could you possibly fully commit to another person? We hope this user eventually finds what they’re looking for, because what they’re doing right now definitely isn’t working.
10Is It Love Or Is It Lust?
Love is something that takes time. Even the phrase “love at first sight” feels like a misnomer, because how can you know someone fully just by looking at them? Lust, on the other hand, is way easier. You can lust over a hot waiter or a celebrity you’ve never met or even a designer purse you’ve had your eye on. For a love addict, though, the two become synonymous, because they rarely feel love, just the initial infatuation or “high” that comes with meeting someone new and being attracted to them. It’s definitely a powerful feeling, but nowhere near as potent as love.
We feel for this Whisper user, though, because that’s not a fun position to be in. In addition to being downright confusing, it could lead to bad choices in any future relationships, and loads of heartache along the way. Perhaps the first thing this Whisper writer should do is learn to love themselves before involving anyone else.
9Ruled By Major Self-Esteem Issues
Remember how we mentioned that being addicted to s*x and love likely had roots in insecurity and self-esteem issues? Well, this Whisper user makes that very clear, if you didn’t understand things already!
Deriving your sense of self-worth from the attractions or interest of someone else simply isn’t a healthy way to live. You’re hanging your hat on another person, and when that person goes away, what are you left with? It sounds like this writer feels like they don’t have much else to offer, which is why they need a guy to be attracted to them – it makes them feel seen and worthy of existing. It’s a pretty slippery slope, though, because looks don’t last forever, and building “relationships” on something so trivial leads to endless surface encounters and nothing deeper. This user knows all of that, we’re sure (judging by her confession), but we hope she can discover all the other attributes that make her worthwhile.
8Oh, The Irony!
Newsflash: Those afflicted with s*x and love addictions and in recovery for it are often trying their best to avoid scenarios that put them in relationships with toxic people, like the kind who want to hop into bed with a recovering addict. So, people who think that this is just a sexy come-on: you should probably just give up.
7Prisoner Of Vice
6On A Constant Hunt For Self-Assurance
Again, self-esteem and insecurity comes out to play in this Whisper confession! Despite having a loving relationship with his current girlfriend, this user still searches for women who aren’t her and who he considers to be “out of his league”. While we’ve felt a lot of sympathy for other users on this list, we can’t feel much for this guy, because he’s duping his GF and insulting her – clearly, he considers her to be well within his appointed “league” and therefore not as good as these other women he’s stepping out with!
We also wonder how this Whisper writer is able to abscond for so many nights to indulge in these one-night stands. It all sounds pretty sleazy to us, and while we can sympathize with this guy’s inability to stop himself, we can’t go all the way with it because he’s pulling his naïve SO along.
5Addiction Means Lack Of Self-Control
It sounds to us like this Whisper user didn’t only cheat on their loved one, but that their loved one found out and left them because of it. That would be pretty devastating because not only have you lost your SO, but you’re the harbinger of your own unhappiness. This is a pretty honest portrayal of addiction, and while we completely understand that this Whisper writer was the guilty party, they seem truly remorseful for what they did, and so we sympathize with them more than we would with others who seem unwilling to change their behaviours (or unapologetic of them).
4It Runs In The Family
Chances are, this Whisper user saw the destruction her own father’s habit left in its wake, and when that’s still not enough to prevent her from following the same path (despite being in a treatment program), you have to wonder how deep-seated that addiction is. Perhaps – and we’re just spit-balling here – this Whisper writer has never known what a healthy relationship looked like, and so it’s only natural that that, along with her inherited issues, would cause her to be afflicted in the same way. Unfortunately, this Whisper user wasn’t the first we came across that said meetings were more of a temptation than a help. Well, when you spend the entire day talking about doing the deed, where else is your mind going to go?
Look, if you’ve cheated on your husband four times and are so addicted to falling in love and all the butterflies that come in the beginning stages, perhaps you’re just not meant to be married. It’s not fair to yourself or your husband to keep up a front of a happy marriage when you’re regularly going behind his back to feed your addiction. Instead, an open marriage should be discussed, if marriage is an absolute necessity, but either way, the other person shouldn’t be left in the dark.
Cheating on partners and relishing the thrill and excitement of a brand new relationship is a common theme among those addicted to love, which is part of the reason why it’s so devastating to people and their partners. If an open relationship hasn’t been discussed, it’s only fair for this Whisper user to come clean and accept the consequences. Once is a mistake, but four times is a conscious pattern.
2Two Down, How Many More To Go?
It sounds to us like this Whisper user might be the future of the last one! If you’ve already single-handedly destroyed two marriages due to your addiction, perhaps you need to take a good long look at yourself and figure out what needs to change. Clearly, a monogamous marriage is not possible at this time, and before jumping headlong into something new, this Whisper user needs to get help. (Fortunately, they seem to have finally realized that for themselves!)
Marriage is hard work, and until you’ve been able to work on yourself and figure out what you want and what you can bring to the table (good or bad), you should probably hold off. (Therapy and a recovery program would be a good place to start.) We hope that this Whisper writer decides to postpone marriage number three until they’ve done all that, and then maybe the third time can finally be the charm!
1Trauma To Redemption
Finally, we have a sort of-success story to end things on! Sadly for this initial user, they didn’t just have to deal with a traumatic experience, they had to endure an addiction it brought on. (While this might strike some people as an odd way to cope with such a trauma, we all grieve and deal with things differently, and there’s no right way to do it.)
We think it’s pretty awesome that this Whisper writer has committed to recovery, because that couldn’t have been an easy decision to make. Celibacy is what is frequently recommended to those in recovery for love and s*x addiction, for about a year (although timelines vary). This allows you to realize that you can exits without those emotional crutches, but also recognize your personal worth and value without being in relation to someone else. We wish this user all the best and hope they can come out clean and happy on the other side!