My Mistake Was Making You A Priority When I Was Always Your Second Choice

Posted: April 18, 2020 by XPOFeed

I loved you more than I loved myself and the only thing that was important to me was that you would never leave me.

I didn’t mind how you treated me or whether your love was strong enough, like mine was.That was an unexplainable kind of love.

Every day that passed by made my love for you grow stronger, even though you never gave me any reasons to love you so strongly.

I still can’t understand why people fall in love that much when it’s clear that the other side doesn’t feel the same for them.

In our case, it was more than clear that you didn’t share the same feelings for me.

My mother said that it’s a half love, a love that makes you blind and all you can see is that other person but not their actions.

She said that all people must experience a love like that once in their lifetime.For me, it was some kind of phenomenon.

The more you mistreated me, the more I loved you. The more you neglected my needs, the more I prioritized your needs.

Your rejection caused the obsession I had over you. Maybe you realized it and started using it. You used my naivety and my sincere feelings for you.

I considered your friends and family mine and I was happy every time you invited me to hang out with them. I am still in touch with all of them.

I had to beg you to hang out with my friends and family because you never wanted to.

And every time they’d invite us over or to go out, I had to make an excuse for why you didn’t show up again.I always had time for you.

 

You and your needs were the only things that mattered.I was always there for you when you needed me.

I thought that was the essence of every healthy relationship but I was wrong; our relationship was never healthy.

I’ve seen so many girls who poured themselves into a relationship. Girls who didn’t appreciate themselves enough to say stop to the man who didn’t deserve them.

I always considered those girls stupid. And look what’s happening now. Karma knocked on my door and laughed so hard in my face.

I apologize now to all of those girls because I understand what made you stay with a man who didn’t appreciate you.

Love. Blind, strange, unhealthy, unconditional, unexplainable love.

I’ll always remember my last birthday, when you stood me up once again and stabbed me right through my heart. It was one disappointment too many.

I couldn’t take it anymore.

It was the night when something broke deep inside me. Even though it was the hardest night of my life, it made me realize that you are definitely not worthy of my love.

 

That night changed my life. I realized that I had to move you off the throne and put myself back there.

I realized that my life is a book.

I am the author of it and you shouldn’t be the main character anymore. Hell, you never deserved to be in it in the first place.

However, I truly believe that God has his reasons for everything that’s happening. Maybe I needed this experience to serve me as a lesson.

Maybe I needed to learn this way that I am the most important person in my life and that I shouldn’t let someone take that place ever again.

Realizing and admitting that you’ll never be able to love me like I love you broke my heart into a million pieces.

Trust me, I’m still trying to put them back together but now, it doesn’t hurt anymore.I look at our relationship as the lesson of my life.

No matter how much you love some other person, the first love of your life is and always will be YOU and you should never betray that love.

 

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