If there’s a person out there that doesn’t think sex is great, then I want to meet them! Nearly all of us enjoy it in one shape or other, nearly all of us, gender irrespective, spend a great deal of our time thinking about and pursuing it, and nearly all of us suffer when it isn’t forthcoming or when it doesn’t fulfill our needs.
The importance of sex
Sex plays very many roles in a relationship, besides the obvious biological function of procreation. It brings a couple closer together for a start, providing a level of intimacy that other areas of interaction just cannot compete with.
It’s a great reliever of stress, as the natural chemicals released into the body by sex, combat nervous and/or emotional tension. When done properly, sex is also extraordinarily good fun, and doesn’t cost a penny for it. Sex is so important that when affairs spring up, when relationships dissolve or deteriorate, it is often the lack of a fulfilling sex life that is cited as the main reason.
Why a sex life deteriorates
A good sex life doesn’t stay that way forever, without a little hard work and application, pretty much like all other aspects of a relationship. But what exactly are the mains reasons for someone’s sex life going downhill in the first place, and what can be done to address the respective issues? [Read: 9 awkward signs you’re having bad sex with your lover]
Well, don’t worry, for that is exactly what we shall be looking at in the following points – eight reasons why sex lives sometimes deteriorate and what can be done about it.
Issue: The long-term blues strikes all of us at some point in a lengthy relationship, when time takes its toll and just seems to have taken the sparkle out of everything. The relationship becomes tired and jaded and lovemaking seems as pedestrian as doing the housework.
Answer: Start communicating. The fact that your love life has gotten stuck in a rut is probably as equally galling to both halves of the relationship. Bring up the fact that things have gone off the boil, and see what suggestions you can make together. [Read: 20 sexual problems that are so easy to avoid]
Issue: Pregnancy can create one of two issues, both of which are opposite sides of the same coin. The first of these is that the woman just isn’t interested in sex. She suffers from morning sickness, a bad back, tiredness, anxiety, irritability and the last thing she wants is a bit of rumpy-pumpy.
On the other hand, a lot of pregnant women find themselves hornier than usual, and the issue is with the man who, for whatever reason, doesn’t find pregnancy in a woman attractive.
Answer: Even if you, as a pregnant woman, can’t face the idea of sexual intercourse, do make an effort to at least find some way of helping your man relieve himself, in order to maintain the physical bond between you two, if nothing else.
Men, if your pregnant wife just doesn’t do it for you and you can’t wait for her to return to her former self, then we have just two words for you: man up! It’s only for nine months and you have a responsibility towards the woman who is carrying your child.
Issue: Many guys think they can just jump on and continue where they left off once the child is born, but unfortunately, this isn’t the case. Once she has given birth, a woman will have physical issues with reintroducing sexual relations, and she may have emotional issues too.
Answer: A gentle touch. The doctor will advise when it is safe to start having sex again after birth, but even then, she is likely to be tender, both physically and emotionally. Take it slowly and start with light and gentle foreplay or petting. Let things progress in an unrushed and steady manner.
#4 Reduced sex drive.
Issue: This can happen to either the male or female half of the relationship, and it can happen for a number of reasons: whether through stress at work, a poor diet or because you are quite simply not attracted to your partner any more. Whatever the issue, it has to be dealt with.
Answer: Exercise and a healthy diet deal with most of the issues that can lead to poor libido. Bring these two things into your life and watch the zip reappear. If your partner isn’t doing it for you any more however, this may be something that has to be discussed, and may come down to your significant other not taking care of their appearance any more, being complacent so to speak about your physical interest. In this case, you may have to encourage them to make more of an effort with their appearance – just make sure that you extend them the same courtesy.
#5 Male impotence.
Issue: For whatever reason the lead seems to have deserted his pencil for the immediate and unforeseeable future. Sometimes, this is a very serious physical issue, and other times relates more to their mental or emotional state.
Answer: If this is a physical issue, then your doctor should be able to prescribe medicines or other remedies that can help you get things up and running again. For milder issues, such as those related to confidence or anxiety, try a sex toy such as a cock ring to strengthen the erection, which will in turn relieve you of the emotional pressure that seems to be leading to the issue in the first place.
#6 No big ‘O.’
Issue: She can’t orgasm. For all her other half’s efforts, the big ‘O’ just isn’t forthcoming, making sex seem like a rather pointless and futile task.
Answer: Try a few sex toys in your lovemaking that are focused on stimulating the female anatomy. Whether a vibrator, magic wand, love egg or butt plug, you are sure to find something to tickle her fancy, and bring her to the happy ending she needs.
#7 It’s all a bit predictable.
Issue: You might have had amazing sex once, and still find it physically pleasing, but performing the same position for the same amount of time, at the same intervals has become a touch pedestrian.
Answer: Spice things up and reintroduce a bit of adventure into your lovemaking. Make love in the great outdoors, take turns at being dominant and submissive, use sex toys, watch porn together, try some crazy new sexual positions, bring another person in – whatever it takes that you both feel is appropriate to put a bit of zing back into your love life.
#8 A non-starter.
Issue: It may be the case that the two of you are equally eager to have sex with each other, but neither seems to want to instigate it.
Answer: There is a natural inclination in relationships for each of the couple to take the respective role of either the submissive or the dominant partner. The issue described above often happens when a stereotypical assumption is made that the male is the dominant sexual partner, when he actually prefers to be submissive.
Communication is the key here: talking to each other to discern such inclinations, and if not actually committing wholesale towards one or the other, then at least agreeing to share those roles in a manner that can easily be identified.
No one wants to have to put up with an inferior sex life. By following these eight simple pieces of advice for each sexual frustration, there is no reason why you should ever settle for lackluster sex or a lack thereof.