Breaking up is hard to do. We all know that. Whether you have been going out for five months or five years, knowing you are about to hurt someone you used to *or still do* care about can be really tough. Often breakups are not black and white. Sometimes you end up with regret breaking up.
However, it is likely that we all go through some pain when we split up with someone. The initial stages of grief are very difficult. And it’s confusing because we can’t tell whether the pain we feel is because we just miss a person who used to be a big part of our lives, or if we made a huge and disastrous mistake.
How do you know if it is grief or you regret breaking up?
Figuring out the difference between the two can be difficult. Just as easily as finding it too painful and running back to your ex, with time you romanticize your past relationship, forget all the pain you went through, and decide to give things another go.
If you aren’t sure whether you really regret breaking up, or it’s just a passing phase, take a look at the signs below. If they sound like you it may be that you aren’t going to get over this one so quickly. You might have been a little hasty, and perhaps you shouldn’t have let this person go.
#1 You think about them constantly. Of course, in those first few days of a break up, our minds are pretty much saturated with emotion. We obsess over every little detail that went wrong as well as reenact the breakup repeatedly. This is perfectly normal.
If weeks and months pass, and you still find your every waking moment taken up by thinking of them, then you may really want them back. Of course, this is based on the presumption that your thoughts about them are positive rather than feelings of bitterness and anger!
#2 No one else you have met even remotely compares. It takes some people longer than others to feel ready to move on and get back in the dating game again. However, if you feel ready to get back out there and yet don’t seem to be able to meet anyone else who sparks the remotest interest in you, your feelings for your ex are possibly still alive.
Sometimes when in new relationships and things start to go pear shaped, we remember our exes with rose tinted spectacles. We idealize everything that happened in the previous relationship. This is very different and not to be confused with never finding someone who lives up to how much you admired, respected, and got on with your ex.
If every time you consider being with anyone else you settle for second best, it might be time to give your breakup some reconsideration.
#3 You feel like half a person without them. There are just some people we come across in our lives who touch us more deeply than we can ever imagine. They change us. They inspire us. They make us be the best we can be and become so deeply ingrained in our lives that we don’t know how we can live without them.
If this sounds like you and your ex, it will be very difficult to imagine finding that same bond again, and you feel completely lost without them. If you do meet up, it feels like going home. Remember, there is a difference between this kind of feeling and just going back to something because it is easy, familiar, and comforting. If you do that, you just fall into the same dissatisfied pattern again.
Fear of putting ourselves out there, having to try, fighting for our happiness should not be the reason to stay in or go back to a relationship. However, if you feel as though your ex completes you, and that feeling sticks around, maybe there is something there that’s special between the two of you.
Something worth fighting for more than anything else.
#4 It’s still the best s*x you ever had. This can be tricky. Amazing s*x can’t be the end all be all of a relationship. However, in order to have truly amazing s*x there usually lies some deeper spark and connection between two people that goes beyond physical attraction.
Couples who have been together for a long time get to know what the other person likes and knows how to perform all their favorite moves. It’s important to give new partners time to get to know you in the bedroom.
However, if you had other partners and nothing beats the s*xual chemistry and passion you and your ex had, it’s no wonder you regret your breakup.
#5 You still rely on each other all the time. Do you know that if you needed them, they’d pretty much drop everything to come to your aid? Whether it’s lugging that new wardrobe you bought up the stairs, to being your shoulder to cry on after another really stressful day in the office.
If your ex is there for you in a way no one else is, you wonder whether you were too hasty when you called time on your relationship.
#6 You would still do anything for one another. If your ex called you up and said they needed to leave the country and wanted you to come with them, would you go? If they were in a dangerous situation, would you rush to their aid? Would you give them your very last penny in the world?
And do you know that they would do the same for you? If you know it’s true, you might have made a bad decision when you split up.
#7 You were happiest when you were with them. Since the breakup you haven’t felt happier. You know your life was at its best when you were together. Even when meeting someone new, they can’t make you as happy as you were with your ex.
Happiness is so important, in fact it trumps almost everything else. If you feel that way about someone you might want to try and get them back!
#8 You panic that it’s too late and you’ll never be able to change the past. If your stomach is always in that weird gut-wrenching knot because you know, deep down, you just want your partner back. This is your heart telling you, you made a mistake.
#9 You miss the bad parts too. If you realize you miss everything about them, not just the good times or the things they did for you, but every single part of that person. It might be time to give your relationship another chance.
#10 You long for another chance. If all you think about is how you would do things differently if you had another chance then maybe it is time to see if you can’t patch things up and start afresh!