In the movies and on TV shows, a girl goes through a break-up and heads for a pint of ice cream, calls her best friends crying, or totally hits rock bottom. In real life, it’s a much more painful (and less cliche) process.
Getting your heart broken is a truly tough thing to deal with. It’s even worse when you wish that you and your boyfriend hadn’t gone your separate ways and that you were still together. When you break up for a reason that is totally fixable — maybe one of you went through something difficult that put too much stress on the relationship for the time being, or you’ve been long distance — it’s hard not to want things to be back to normal. But instead of showing up at his house bawling and begging him to take you back, is there anything that you can do to be his girlfriend once again?
Yes, as it turns out, there are a bunch of things that you can do, and before you know it, you just might be blissfully happy and in love again. Read on to find out 21 sure things to do to win him back for good!
21Post Happy Selfies On Social Media
You know that you love taking selfies and posting them on your social media accounts because, well, who doesn’t?! When you’re posting selfies after your breakup, you definitely want to put your best foot forward, so to speak (or your best photo forward, more accurately).
When you consider the kind of person that you want to date, it’s always more attractive when someone is cheerful, optimistic, and just seems to have their stuff together. The same is true when you’re taking photos of yourself and posting them online. You want to look happy and like you’re enjoying your life (even if, sometimes, you just want to stay in bed and cry because this break-up is truly the worst). It’s not a lie, exactly — you just don’t want to post vague photos of you crying with sappy lyrics in the caption or anything like that.
No one likes seeing those types of posts since they can seem like a cry for attention, and your ex-boyfriend definitely won’t enjoy those, either, which is what you care about right now. You want him to think that you’re the same person that you were when you two were together… so when you do reunite, it’ll be just like it was (but hopefully better since you want to work on whatever problem the two of you had).
20Don’t Text Him For A Little Bit
It’s super tempting to keep texting your ex-boyfriend after you two have gone your separate ways. You were so used to doing this before, so why do you have to change your regular routine? And why do you have to stop talking to him? He was your best friend and the person that you talked to the most. It’s really hard to just quit texting him cold turkey.
Yeah, that might be true, but if you really want to win him back, you definitely can’t text him. Don’t worry, it’s just for a little bit. But it’s best to take a step back and focus on yourself and your own life for the time being. If you stay in close contact with him right after the break-up, things will get confusing and you might fall back into old patterns without working on the issues that brought you to this place.
Even though it might suck at first, you won’t regret putting your phone down and not texting him for a little while. Text your best friends instead and they’ll help you through this tough time. That’s going to be a much better idea.
If he texts you, you can feel free to tell him that you need a bit of a break.
19Don’t Like His Any Of His Social Media Posts (Try Not To Even Look At Them)
Social media can be so tricky and complicated when you’re going through a break-up. If you want to stay broken up, then you might unfriend and unfollow your ex-boyfriend since you don’t want to ever see him again, let alone see all of his food photos and selfies.
If you want to get back together, you’re probably going to want to keep him on your social media accounts, but there is one important thing that you should do: stop yourself from liking his posts. If you like them, he’ll see that you’re thinking about him and paying attention to him, and right now, you want to look like you’re living your life and totally okay on your own.
You should also try not to even look at the things that he’s posting. Seeing his face and reading his captions and comments will make you way too sad and make this time even more difficult for you, and that’s honestly the last thing that you need. If you have to quit going on social media so often during this time in order to stop yourself from stalking his pages and profiles, then sure, go ahead and do that. Whatever works is the best thing here.
18Post Nostalgic Things On Social Media
Your goal is to get your ex-boyfriend to think about you. You hope that he’s doing that anyway since you’re thinking about him 24/7 but it doesn’t hurt to help him along.
What’s a good way that you can keep his mind on you? Post some nostaglic things on your social media accounts. These should be things that remind him of you and the time that you spent together. Whether you’re grabbing dinner at your favorite go-to restaurant or visiting a park that you two always went on a Sunday afternoon, you’re going to make him miss you and wonder if you two should get another shot at your love story.
If you feel like this is kind of obvious, he honestly might not see it that way, but if you’re worried, then do this in a more subtle manner and make it seem like just part of your regular routine. You can snap a photo of you and your bestie at that restaurant and bring your sister along to the park. He won’t think that you’re doing it on purpose. He’ll just miss you and think about how great you are, and that’s exactly what you want to happen.
17Go On A Few Dates And Let It Get Back To Him
If you want to make your ex jealous — and you just might since this seems to be a fairly effective post-breakup strategy — then you have to go on a few dates. But more than that, you have to make sure that your ex finds out about it. It’s kind of like when you go somewhere or eat something and don’t post it on social media. Did it even happen?!
Tell some mutual friends about the dates and before you know it, they’ll tell your ex-boyfriend and he’ll be super jealous. You can also let someone know if they’re a good friend that you want them to tell him so he can get envious. If they care about you guys and want you to get back together, they’ll definitely understand and want to help in any way that they can.
You’re not going to love going out with other guys if you’re still hung up on the person that you love and want to be with, but hang in there and this just might be what it takes to get back together. It can’t really hurt, anyway, since it shows that you could move on… if he doesn’t get off his butt and get you back.
16Stay In Touch With His Family
If you’re so sad about the breakup that you want to get back together with this guy, then you probably got really close to his family. Maybe they even considered you part of the family… and maybe they even thought that you guys would get married someday.
If you were a staple of holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas and were always there by your boyfriend’s side when someone had a birthday or something to celebrate, then you can be sure that his family is taking the breakup just as hard as you are (and just as hard as you hope that he is).
You might as well make staying in touch with his family part of your win him back plan. They will miss you and want to hear from you to make sure that you’re doing okay, and if you stay in touch with his family, your ex-boyfriend is going to realize that you still want to be a part of his life. He’ll remember that you were such a big part of everything and that you don’t want things to change, and hopefully before too long, you two will be back to the happy, in love couple that you were.
15See If His Mom Or Sister Will Meet Up With You
If you were close with his family, it makes sense that you would have developed a good relationship with his mom and sister (if he has one, of course).
See if his mom and/or sister will meet up with you. You can meet for coffee, dinner, a drink, a walk—whatever you want, depending on where you all live. Doing this will definitely get back to him and make him miss you even more since he will realize that you still want to be part of the family. Before long, he’ll be remembering all the good family times and wish that you were back in his life.
You can also use this as an opportunity to ask how he’s doing and get the real story. You know that his mom and sister will take the chance to dish about how he’s coping with the breakup, whether he wants to get back together, and if he’s dating anyone new. You can also enlist them to help you guys get back together if that’s something that you feel comfortable doing. If they think that you guys belong together, they will absolutely help you out, and you’ll be so glad and grateful.
14Hang Out With His Best Friends
Spend some time with your ex-boyfriend’s best friends so you can tell them that you miss him. It’s going to get back to him, and if he misses you and wishes that you were still his girlfriend, he’ll be reminded of that even more.
This will also give you the chance to get a different perspective on the breakup. While his family will tell you one version of the story, his good friends might tell you another version. He might have shared things with his friends that he didn’t tell his family since he would be more comfortable talking to them. You’ll be better off getting the actual story about how he’s doing, how he feels, and what he really thinks about the break-up.
You could also do the same thing that you’re doing with his family and ask his good friends to help you guys reunite. If they’re supportive of you two as a couple, they won’t mind and, in fact, they might even suggest it. It also might be helpful to hang out with them because he might want to ask you to get back together but he might not be sure that’s what you want, so you’ll get the chance to tell them that, yup, you want this super badly.
13Stay Calm And Polite If You Randomly Run Into Him
In the movies and on television shows, ex-couples always ran into each other at the worst possible moment. It’s played for the most drama possible, of course, so it’s always really awkward.
IRL, it’s just as awkward, but maybe not quite as dramatic. If you run into your ex-boyfriend, your best bet is to stay calm and polite. You don’t want to look sad, upset, or flustered and like you can’t believe that you’re seeing him. You don’t want him to think that you can’t cope without him and that you’re just a big mess (even if that’s how you feel most of the time). You want him to see you smile and be nice and polite and like the girl that he remembers.
You also don’t want to say anything harsh, mean, or rude since he’s not going to love that. Since your goal is to get back together, why would you put up roadblocks and be mean? Exactly. That’s not the way that you want to play this. Always stay classy because it’s the smartest way to act and you’ll reap the benefits and hopefully win him back so everything goes back to normal. But that can’t happen if you act weird or mean.
12Never Let His Friends, Family, Or Your Mutual Friends See You Freaking Out
If you get back together with your ex-boyfriend, do you want his friends, family members, or your mutual friends to tell him that you were a hot mess when you guys broke up? Do you want them to tell him that you would cry and scream and get super upset whenever you talked about the fact that you weren’t together anymore? Do you want them to talk about you in a negative way at all?
No, you definitely don’t. You want them to tell him that you’re still the same girl that he fell in love with. It’s hard to be broken up with someone that you still love and want to get back together with, but don’t let the people that he cares about see you super upset. Sure, you can let them know that you’re doing okay but not happy because you miss him, but anything beyond that is probably way too much information.
It’s a good idea to remember that while you might still be in contact with these people, they might take sides in the break-up and side with your ex-boyfriend, so they most likely don’t want to see you freaking out. If you were in their shoes, you would probably feel the same way.
11Show That You’re Still Living Your Life
Even if you want to fall apart and just wallow in your self-pity after you get your heart broken, that’s not the best way to go. Sure, take a few days to rest and try to get back to normal (or at least as best as you can right now), but after that, show that you’re still living your life.
Post online that you’re watching a new TV show and love it. Talk about a book that you’re reading or an article that you just read. Share that you have a trip planned.
Whatever you want to share online, remember that you want to show that you’re still you and you’re going to be okay. This will definitely get back to your ex-boyfriend since he follows you and is a social media friend, so you want him to see the posts and remember why he loves you and why you were such a good person for him to be with. He just might see these posts and get so sad that he contacts you immediately and says that you need to get back together. Even if he doesn’t, he could be thinking about it, which is at least a step in the right direction.
10Find A Good Distraction
Distractions can be life-savers, particularly during a tough time like a break-up. Don’t feel guilty about this. It doesn’t mean that you don’t love him or that you’re moving on with your life. It just means that you need something else to focus on, and that’s totally okay.
You might feel like you’re just not yourself and you can’t focus on something, but you definitely can. Whether you distract yourself by hitting the gym or a workout class every day one week, or you learn to cook, or you socialize more, or you just watch a new TV show that you were meaning to check out for a while, it’s up to you. But choose something that makes you happy and makes you feel good and lets you forget about your heartbreak… at least for a little while.
At this stage in the break-up, you don’t want to start talking to your ex-boyfriend yet or tell him how you feel about what’s going on, so you want to hang back and sit tight. The best way to ensure that you don’t get too sad and think about him too much and consider contacting him is to find a really good, smart distraction.
9Comment On His Friends’ Social Media Posts
Sure, you’re not going to be liking his social media posts (and hopefully you’re doing your best not to look at them), but you can like his friends’ social media posts.
You definitely want your ex-boyfriend to see this, though, since the whole point is to get him to realize that he misses you and can’t live without you and wants you back. If you comment on his friends’ social media posts, you’re showing that you’re still living your life and functioning… and, okay, you want to make him a little bit jealous. And it’s probably going to work really well.
Think about it like this: if you see your ex commenting on your best friend’s social media post, would you be jealous? Would you immediately think of all the good times that you two shared and miss him so much? Yes, you totally would. He’s going to feel the same way, so it’s definitely an effective thing to do. Just make sure that your comments add something to the discussion because you want to be at least a little bit classy and subtle about this whole thing. Even if he can tell that you’re attempting to make him jealous, that’s totally fine because it’ll show that you still care.
8Try Even Harder At Work
If you start throwing all of your effort and energy into your job, it might get back to your ex-boyfriend and he might be super impressed. After all, it’s attractive to have your life together.
This will show that you’re not just sitting at home pining for him. You’re working hard and trying to make things happen for yourself, and you’re looking to the future and moving forward with your life and career.
Chances are, he fell for you because he loves how smart and ambitious you are and he was attracted to your work ethic. You want him to know that you still have all of these qualities and that you haven’t changed. So how will this get back to him? Post a few things on Facebook and Instagram where you talk about working hard and kicking butt. And feel free to talk to mutual friends or his family members that you’re still in touch with about how much you’re focusing on your career.
7Have A Game Plan If He Starts Dating Again
It sucks to think about, but if you’ve broken up with your boyfriend, one of you might start dating again. And it might happen sooner than you think or are totally comfortable with.
It might not be you, especially if you still have feelings for him, but what are you going to do if he starts seeing someone? You definitely need to have a game plan for this because you don’t want to be caught off-guard. Like most things in life, it’s always best to have a plan and be as organized as possible ahead of time.
Maybe you’ll choose to ignore the fact that he’s dating someone new. You might want to wait, hang back, and see if his new girlfriend (or the girl that he’s seeing if it’s more casual than that) lasts. And then you’ll know if he wants you back or not. You can also promise yourself that if he starts dating again, you’ll go to his house immediately and tell him that you still love him. Sure, it might sound dramatic and like something that people do in movies, but hey, it happens in films for a reason: you have to talk to someone if you want them back. You can’t expect them to be a mind reader.
6Text Him After A Bit And Ask How He’s Doing
It can be really tough to go through a break-up when you think about how often you and this person used to talk. Since texting is a massive part of a relationship, it can feel weird to stare at your phone and realize that you’re not going to be communicating with each other in that way anymore.
You don’t want to text him for a while after your break-up because you could say something that you regret or you might not want to hear from him. But after a brief period of time has passed, you should definitely text him and ask how he’s doing, especially if you want to get him back. After all, if you totally ignore him and never talk to him again, he won’t have any idea that you still have romantic feelings for him and that you want to get back together. And you want him to start thinking about you again (even though you hope that he hasn’t stopped).
If you want to be on his mind, send him a few texts. Just start small and simple and ask how he’s doing. If he’s still got feelings for you, he’ll be into it and he’ll be happy that you contacted him.
5Text Him That You Miss Him
When you two start texting again, you can’t just talk about how work is or how your family’s doing or what new Netflix show you’re obsessed with. Since your goal is to get him back and start dating again, you want your communication to matter and to be about something.
Text him that you miss him. If he misses you, then he’ll be so happy and excited that you told him how you’re feeling, and he’ll say it right back. This could be what it takes to get him back. If he feels the same way, he might suggest meeting up in person or at least starting to talk more regularly so you two can decide if you want to get back together. That’s going to be music to your ears for sure.
If he doesn’t want to get back together, then telling him that you miss him will make him realize that he needs to be honest with you, and he’ll tell you right then and there that it’s not going to happen. Yeah, it’s going to suck to hear that, but at least then you’ll know and you won’t have to keep pining after him (which you totally know what you’re doing).
4Tell Him How You Really Feel About The Break-Up
Now that you two are texting regularly, you want to get down to business. Enough with small talk and shooting the breeze. It’s time to tell him how you really feel about the break-up.
This is a tough thing to do and it’s not going to pleasant. You might blush as you type the words. You might get sweaty and nervous and wonder how you’re going to get through it. But it’s just what you have to do if getting back together is your goal.
Text him that you’re sad about the break-up and that you regret whatever happened between the two of you. Since you want to get back together, it’s clear that it’s not like he did anything that you could never forgive him for. But it’s good to admit that you had a hand in whatever happened since it takes two to make a relationship work… or realize that things aren’t working out (at least for the time being). No matter how uncomfortable you feel while you type these words and send them to him, if he agrees and misses you as much as you miss him, you’ll be grateful that you had the courage for sure.
3Get Your Friends To Invite Him Out
When you want someone back, it’s definitely not a one-step process. In this case, it’s a 21-step process since that’s what we’re talking about. Once you’ve started texting again and agreed that you both miss each other and regret the break-up and are both feeling super sad about things, it’s time to ease into seeing each other again.
Sure, you want to jump lovingly into his arms and have everything be perfect again, but these things take time. That might not be the best way to go, at least not right now. Instead, get your friends to invite him out. This works perfectly if you two are in the same friend group, but even if you have different social circles, it still works since he probably hung out at least a few times with your friends.
If he says yes, then you’ll have your answer: he wants to see you again. This is even truer if he doesn’t hang out with these people unless he’s around you. It’s such a surefire sign that you might be close to getting back together. And it’ll be a bit less awkward since there are other people around (just a bit, though… it’ll definitely still be awkward).
2See If He’ll Meet For Coffee Or A Drink
Okay, so you two have texted a bit and hung out with other people around. If things have gone well, then that’s awesome and it’s time for the next phase of your get him back plan.
Text him and see if he’ll meet you for coffee or a drink. Of course, coffee is a bit more platonic and a drink is way more romantic, so you’re probably hoping that he’ll want to meet you for a drink. But if you give him the option, you can see which one he picks. If he picks to meet you for a drink in the evening, particularly a weekend evening, then you can guess that he might be trying to get you back. And that would be the best case scenario, of course.
Once you two are out together, you can talk in person about what’s going on. If you both agree that you regret what happened and that you want to try to work things out, then that’s amazing and exactly what you were hoping for. Being with you again will most likely remind him of how great you are and he’ll want you to be his girlfriend again in no time.
1Invite Him Over For Dinner
The final step in your plan? That would be inviting him over for dinner. You can do this even if you aren’t the greatest cook around (that’s what take-out is for).
This is, no doubt, super romantic and more intimate than sitting in a crowded bar or restaurant. It’s the best way to win him back. If you two were living together and you stayed in the apartment or house, then this will be nostalgic and remind him of the good times that you two shared. If you weren’t shacked up together yet but he spent a lot of time at your place, then the same thing will still be true.
If the issues that caused your break-up aren’t so dire or negative or toxic that you two couldn’t work things out with some more effort and communication, then this dinner date might be all that it takes to get you two lovebirds back together. He’ll be grateful that you started texting him again and that you invited him over, and you’ll be relieved that all hope is not lost and you two can try again. After all, if two people are meant to be together, then they will definitely find a way.