No one took a class in school called “Marriage 101.” But wouldn’t that have been great? I mean, how often do you use the knowledge of Algebra or Physics in your daily life *assuming you aren’t a math teacher or a physicist?* Yeah, exactly.
But most people get married. And we have no good game plan to make it work. All we have to go by are how our parents managed their marriage. And for most people, it’s not really a good role model.
And here’s another thing – most people get so focused on the wedding day itself, making sure every detail is perfect, that they don’t give any thought to the actual marriage itself. That’s where the real focus should be. How do we happily stay together for the next 50+ years? Well, I’m here to help.
Top questions to ask before walking down the aisle
Your parents probably never had a talk like this with you. Did they ever say, “Hey, make sure you and your fiancé talk about all the important things you need to consider before you commit to each other for the rest of your lives!” Probably not. If so, you’re one of the lucky ones.
So, here are some important questions to ask before walking down the aisle.
#1 Do you want kids? This SHOULD be an obvious question, but it’s scary how many couples don’t even talk about it! I mean, come on, shouldn’t this be one of the first things you talk about? Perhaps even within the first few months of dating? If you have differing opinions on this one, well, you might be doomed.
#2 Where do you want to live? A bird and fish may love each other, but where would they build a home? You’ve heard that one before. What part of the country *or world* do you want to live? City or countryside? Suburbs? All these options need to be discussed.
#3 How will we resolve conflicts? No one teaches us how to work through conflicts effectively either. If one of you avoids conflict and the other one wants to fight about it, well, that’s going to be a problem. Talk about how you can come together and compromise on this.
#4 Who handles the finances? Do both of you want to do it? Or neither of you *that would be a whole different problem*? Or do you take turns? Some people naturally want to have control of the money, while others don’t.
#5 What kind of wedding do we want to have? Do you want to elope or go to city hall? A beach wedding? Or a full-fledged 300-person church wedding with all the bells and whistles? Weddings are expensive, so this is important to talk about.
#6 How are we going to handle the holidays? Everyone has their own family traditions. But now that you’re merging families, how are you going to handle the holidays? Switch off each year? Alternate holidays?
#7 How often do you want to have s*x? You may or may not have a feel for how this one is going to go. But as the years roll by, many people’s s*x lives decrease. This can cause problems. So, talk about it before it becomes an issue.
#8 How much socializing is allowed outside the marriage? Maybe one of you is a big extrovert, and the other is an introvert. How are you going to negotiate the socializing so one person doesn’t feel smothered and the other doesn’t feel neglected?
#9 How many kids do we want? Just like the “do you want to have kids” question, this is important too. If one of you wants to have one child, and the other wants 10, well, that’s a big problem, right? Hopefully you can agree on a compromise.
#10 What will our parenting styles be? Some people have a hands-off parenting style, while others are quite authoritarian. This can become a problem because they really conflict with one another. It can also create resentment between parents. And between the parents and children as well.