He refuses to wash dishes or he gets way too drunk at family parties. There are lots of things that are irritating in relationships, but how do you know if they’re relationship deal breakers? At the beginning of a relationship, you might notice that sometimes your boyfriend behaves in a pretty weird way. Their actions might make you feel slightly uncomfortable, but you’re not really sure if it’s important or not. That can be part of the issue — early in a relationship, it’s just really hard to tell. No one is perfect, of course, and we’ve all had bad days, so it is important not to be overly judgemental. Relationships are rarely perfect, and every relationship comes with mistakes and compromise. However, there are certain things that no-one should have to tolerate in a relationship. Your life is already complicated enough with work, family, friends and hobbies – you don’t need another issue to deal with. Here are 15 of the biggest relationship deal breakers to watch out for.
15They’re Rude To Wait Staff
You went on a dinner date together and most of the evening was great. The food was lovely, the wine was chilled, and he made you laugh. However, you couldn’t help but notice that he was rude to the waiters during the night. Whenever they came over, he was snappy and rude, and he never thanked them for their assistance… and if he tipped, it was a seriously underwhelming tip. You can excuse this behavior maybe once… like if your date was having a truly terrible day. But even then, it’s a super shady move. It isn’t hard to be nice to the people who bring your food and drink, and you never know what they will do to said food and drink if you are rude. As well as that, service staff often work long and grueling hours for a low wage. But mostly, this is a deal breaker because it is a good indication of how he treats other people. If he is willing to be so rude to someone he doesn’t know now, you might find that one day he treats you in the same way.
14They’re Big Flirts
This deal breaker depends on your relationship… and you. Some relationships are relaxed and open, and both partners enjoy a little flirting from time to time. They both think flirting is harmless and fun, and neither actually wants to cheat on their partner. However, this only works for some people. Most people hate the idea of their partner flirting with other people, especially if they hope that their flirting will turn into a kiss or even more. They believe that flirting should be reserved for each other, and not for other people. If you feel this way and your partner continues to flirt with other people, end the relationship. If they know you don’t want them to flirt with other people and they still do, they are putting their own desires ahead of the relationship. This is thoughtless and insensitive, and it probably means that your feelings and your relationship aren’t important to them.
13They Ignore You In Public
The first time that you meet your partner’s friends can be a pretty scary experience. You want to make a good impression, you want them to like you, and you want your partner to make the introduction comfortable and fun. However, this doesn’t always happen. You might find that your partner won’t introduce you to friends as their significant other, or you might find that they ignore you while their friends make an effort to involve you in conversation. These are both red flags, as your partner is deliberately putting you in an awkward situation and choosing not to help. Think about why they’re behaving this way. Maybe they don’t want their friends to think they’re tied down, or maybe they don’t want to be part of a monogamous relationship. If this is the case, you deserve to know – and they shouldn’t be introducing you to their friends. If this happens to you, walk away; this behavior is definitely a relationship deal breaker.
12They Insult You
A relationship is nothing if your boyfriend is not supportive. If your partner is supportive and complimentary, that is great news… but what if they insult you? If your partner shames you for your appearance, weight, job, friends or lifestyle choices, they are being cruel and manipulative. They want to convince you that you are not good enough and that you are lucky to have a relationship. It is controlling behavior, which is a way to establish dominance in a relationship. If you are with someone who treats you like this, it is time to leave. You may be tempted to let their behavior slide, but you need your confidence and self-esteem to succeed in life. And there shouldn’t be any reason good enough for you to stay. Lots of people think that you are beautiful and interesting, and they deserve your time, instead of someone who only tries to see the worst in you. Ugh.
11You’re Not A Priority
Your date likes you, but he likes other things more. He prioritizes everything over you; work, friends, hobbies, and his freedom. He frequently bails on plans to see his friends, and he never invites you along. He expects you to understand why he always bails; if you act bothered or upset, he will imply that you are being dependent or clingy. You are left feeling like the other woman to his career and friends, even though you’re the only one in his life. When this happens, it normally ends with a break up. If you both have different expectations about the relationship, neither party will be happy – especially if one person does all of the compromising. This is the kind of guy who will still go out for boys’ night every weekend… even when he is married with children. If you’re okay with that, feel free to stay; but don’t expect him to have an overnight personality change.
10They Have Bad Hygiene
Sometimes we all go a day or two without a shower if we don’t have anywhere to be. After all, there is something really enjoyable about staying in your PJs for over 48 hours. However, going out with someone with bad personal hygiene can be pretty difficult. Does your partner regularly shower and brush their teeth? Do they regularly wash their clothes? If the answer is no to both of these questions, it could be a relationship deal breaker. Often women date men who make an effort to be clean for the first few months, but eventually they stop making an effort all together. They expect their date to sleep in their unwashed, smelly bed, and they get offended when their partner tells them that they have bad breath, instead of simply getting up to brush their teeth. Although this may not seem like a big deal, it can become a huge problem – especially if your partner refuses to clean up his act, and instead acts like you are the one who is in the wrong.
9They’re Crazy Clingy
Most couples see each other regularly, and text and chat on the phone when they aren’t together. However, there is a line between spending time together and spending way too much time together. If your partner expects you to text them while you are at work, they might be being unreasonable. If you explain that you have other commitments during work hours and they become upset or angry, they are definitely being unreasonable. Some people want all of your attention all of the time, but this is unhealthy, dependent behavior. Your partner should be able to have fun without you, and they should understand that you have other important things in your life, like work and family. Most people experience a clingy relationship at some point in their lives, and it often leaves them feeling overwhelmed and suffocated. You need a relationship where you and your boyfriend both have space to breathe.
Your BF says he’s excited to take you out for a nice meal at a restaurant, but then he bails… 15 minutes before you were supposed to meet up. Sometimes he disappears for days at a time without telling you what’s going on. When they re-appear in your life, they apologize for hurting you – but then they go and do the exact same thing again a few weeks later. If you can relate to this, it may be time to end your relationship. While this behavior is more forgivable at the beginning, when you aren’t an official couple, it is unacceptable in a long-term relationship. If they disappear for a few days or bail on plans, you deserve an explanation. If they don’t have an explanation for their disappearance, they are being disrespectful. It isn’t difficult to keep someone in the loop, and you have to question why they always bail on you and disappear.
7They Lie To You
One of the most important aspects in a relationship is trust. Love and respect are also very important, but without trust, you won’t have a healthy relationship. Trust is an important bond, but it is also an easy bond to break, especially if one partner regularly lies. There are lots of different types of lies, and some certainly aren’t as bad as others. For instance, white lies such as “I love that dress on you!” aren’t awful, and they come from a positive and loving place. However, most lies destroy relationships. Mostly people lie to cover their backs; for example, they might say that they have stopped drinking or taking drugs, but then you find out that they are still doing it and hiding it from you. It’s super hurtful when you find out that your partner constantly lies to you. You might want to give the person another chance, but this is rarely a good idea. You have already lost your trust for them, and you will resent them if they continue to lie.
6They Try To Rule Your Life
Relationships can really bring out the worst in people. Some people become very controlling in relationships, and they can even try to rule their partner’s life. If you have noticed that your partner has slowly become involved in every aspect of your life, you might be being controlled. Here are some good examples of controlling behavior; they try to dictate how much time you spend with your friends and family, they are trying to alter your diet, or they want you to dress or act a certain way. To put it simply, you are being pressured to do things that you don’t want to do. When someone treats you like you are their property, it can be hard to leave. Often their controlling behavior is disguised as concern and love, which can make the situation confusing. Despite this, their behavior is still unhealthy and unacceptable. When you walk away, you will love the feeling of being your own person again.
5They Don’t Back You Up
Most people have lots of opinions, so, of course, it’s pretty unlikely that you’re going to date someone who agrees with everything that you say. However, it is important that your partner supports you and backs you up, even when you don’t agree. This comes down to respect: we love our friends and family, and even though we don’t always agree with them, we respect their right to have a different opinion. This is how we should treat everyone with different opinions, but some partners can demean and insult their partner for having different beliefs. If your partner regularly puts you down for your opinions or treats you disrespectfully because of them, that is a relationship deal breaker. Your partner should love you for who you are, instead of trying to manipulate you into a different person. Everyone disagrees sometimes; it makes life interesting and fun, and your partner should embrace every aspect of you.
4You Both Want Different Futures
You want three kids and a house in the suburbs. He likes playing with his nieces and nephews, but he doesn’t want any children of his own. You want a big white wedding in the sun. He has been married before and he says he never wants to get married again. If you and your partner want different futures, you might want to think about ending the relationship so you can find someone who wants the same future as you. Lots of people stay with someone who wants a different future than them, as they hope that they can change their mind. However, it’s pretty unlikely that you will change their mind. After all, they could be hoping to change your mind too! It isn’t fair to expect someone to change their goals and dreams for you… and if they don’t, you will resent them. They have openly said they don’t want the same future as you; accept it and move on.
3They Cheat On You
This is one of the most important relationship deal breakers. When you enter an exclusive relationship, you commit to being faithful and loyal. If you partner cheats on you, they break your trust and they cause you some serious emotional damage. Once your partner has cheated, they have destroyed the relationship. You can choose to help them re-build it, but this requires more effort from you than them; you have to find it in yourself to forgive them, and you have to re-build trust. That is a lot of effort for someone who didn’t do anything wrong in the first place! It can also be difficult to know if you can actually trust them again. They might say that they regret their mistake, but that doesn’t mean that they won’t make the same mistake again. If someone repeatedly cheats on you, cut your losses and move on because you definitely deserve better.
You met a guy, and he seems totally perfect. He’s charming, attractive and polite, and he knows how to make you laugh. He loves to buy you expensive gifts and take you out for dinner, and you can’t believe that you met someone so perfect. Then you find out that he is actually married. You might be tempted to continue dating him: after all, he pursued you, and you didn’t know he was married to start with. Despite this, you should end the relationship. He might leave his wife for you, but he might not; do you want to be his mistress while he still has a family at home? Even if he does offer to leave his wife, you should probably still avoid a relationship with him. If he is the kind of man who actively seeks out affairs, it is likely that he will continue… and then you get to be the wife who doesn’t know that her husband is having an affair.
1They Take It Too Far
Lots of people accept emotional abuse without even realizing. Unlike physical abuse, emotional abuse doesn’t come with bruises that you can see. Emotional abuse is normally controlling behavior and manipulative comments that make you doubt yourself. Over time, they lower your self-esteem and leave you feeling unconfident and upset. Despite this, you still might not realize you are being abused. Often it’s pretty easy to be in denial, and you might rationalize your partner’s behavior. If you are being emotionally or physically abused, you must gather the courage and strength to think about leaving them. It will be a long process to restore your confidence and self-esteem, but as soon as you leave, you will start to feel happier and less stressed. Remember that you do not deserve this treatment. Your partner is supposed to love and respect you; they are not supposed to be the main cause of stress and upset in your life.