You do not know what happened. The all-consuming love you felt not that long ago just disappeared in front of your eyes. It was like you woke up this morning and somehow just the words “good morning” escaping from his mouth made you want to crawl back under the covers. Your body no longer tingled when he looked at you in that flirtatious way that once paralyzed you into his arms. His smile no longer weakened your knees, his kiss failing to speed up your heart rate like it did the first time your lips locked. That constant need to be around him every chance you could diminished one day without warning. You used to feel disappointment when you did not feel him lying next to you in bed, cradling you with his arms like you could not live without his touch. But now, you yearn for the alone time, the days when he leaves for work before your alarm awakens you, the hours that he is not around so you can get lost in your own thoughts. It is like all of a sudden, the love is gone
You think it is just a phase you’re going through. Your eyes wandering towards the men in their deepest form of downward dog in your yoga class is only a reflex, a natural reaction to anyone in such a position. And you agreed to drinks with your cute coworker after work because you were looking for company from someone other than the man you shared your sock drawer with. Not once were you attracted to these other men or searching for an escape from the love you already had. This is just a phase, and you believe the two of you will be back together soon. In fact, you are sure of it.
You are irate that he is not answering your calls. It is not like you cheated on him, so you cannot understand why he wouldn’t pick up the phone when you tried to reach him. After all, all you did was love him, giving him the best years of his life. You cannot help but lash out, repeatedly reminding anyone that will listen of all that you provided him. He would not have any of the friends he has if it wasn’t for your introduction. He would not have the dream job he currently holds if you hadn’t pushed him to go on the interview. His apartment would not be the comfortable space it is if it wasn’t for your decorating skills. You hope he remembers this every time he lays his head on one of those expensive throw pillows you bought him. And yet, he is still not answering your calls.
You begin to question your role in the relationship. You repeatedly go over in your mind what you could have done differently to get the happily ever after you thought you would have together. Maybe if you did not work so late and were home for dinner more often, you would’ve been able to spend more time together. You wonder if you had gotten to know each other better before moving in, your relationship would’ve had a better chance of surviving. Or if you said “I love you” each night before bed like you promised you would in the early stages of the relationship, those words would still hold true today. Maybe we could get back to who we were before if we tried a little harder to make it work, to make us work.
You wonder where you go from here. You have spent the last few years with this person, doing everything together, and it’s all just memories now. You thought that you had everything figured out and you had met the person you were going to spend the rest of your life with, only to realize that you were wrong all along. You can never love again. You can never go through the heartbreak you have endured, which is inevitable, as you just let your one true love get away. Your knees are definitely feeling weak now, but only because you haven’t gotten out of your bed in days. You wonder how long you can live off the snacks at your bedside since you have no intention of leaving the comfort of your sheets anytime soon. The sorrow has become debilitating, leaving you no choice but to surrender to it. You fear that no other man could possibly love you now. You are damaged, broken, hurt in so many ways that it would be impossible to let someone else into your heart. You cannot imagine things getting better from here.
You believe that everything happens for a reason, and this is especially true for the fate of your relationship. You are content with your decision to part ways and know that it was the best thing for the both of you. It was better done now than years later, making a breakup even harder to come to terms with. While you may not be completely over your ex and eager to find a new love interest, you believe that you did the right thing. Even though a chapter of your life has come to an end, you know that it is not the end of your story. You are in a different state of mind than you were in the days after the relationship ended, looking forward to the clear path that lies ahead of you. The love you had for your ex may always be there, as you hoped it would. Only instead of fearing your futures apart, you are wishing him all the happiness in the world with someone new. Someone that you are at peace knowing will not be you.