As an introvert, the idea of going out to a room packed full of people you don’t know, loud music, drunkenness, and a lack of personal space probably sounds something akin to your worst nightmare. I’m an introvert myself, and I used to dislike bars and clubs, preferring something a bit more chill like a cocktail lounge or house party.
I came to realize though, you can still have a good time and have success with the ladies in these adrenaline and alcohol-fueled environments. You just need to go about it differently from the way extroverts do it.
You probably don’t want to bounce around, speaking to dozens of people you don’t know, shouting over thumping music that you probably don’t even like.
For starters, you have to stack the deck in your favor. You’re not going to be that super fun, outgoing guy that is the center of attention and has everyone laughing. However, you still want to meet women and hook up. In this situation, what you need to do is play up your strengths and not try to compete with naturally extroverted guys on being the life and soul of the party.
Women are attracted to more than one archetype of guy. While it may seem like everyone likes the super fun, outgoing guy, they aren’t necessarily attracted to him romantically. They may just find him fun and entertaining, but have no desire to actually get to know him better.
It comes much more naturally to the introvert to be the strong, silent type. You don’t need to talk to people a lot, to dance if you don’t want to, or to meet many people.
If you are in great shape, have good fashion, and posture – generally look cool – many women will be interested in you. From there, it is just a case of taking action with the girl that you like and not letting the opportunity pass you by.
Being an introvert vs. being shy
There is a difference between being introverted and being shy. If you are shy, you are going to need to get out of your comfort zone and learn how to feel more at ease with speaking up or approaching someone. Unfortunately, this needs to be done. If you’re not comfortable approaching women, or even being in the bar or club, you need to overcome this in your own way.
An introvert, on the other hand, is not necessarily shy. He’s just not into shallow conversations or being the loud, boisterous center of attention. Instead, he wants deeper connections that he only maintains with a few people. He assesses everyone and tries to deduce if someone is worth his social energy. If that’s you, then you’ve come to the right place.
How introverts can meet women while partying
Here are a couple of tips that can help an introvert hook up at bars and nightclubs.
#1 Be in great shape, have great posture. First impressions count, and if you look good, women will notice. Being lean and muscular makes you easy on the eyes, thus upping the odds of making more women become interested in you, while having great posture displays confidence and gives you an aura that makes you stand out.
You can easily stand out, chilling at the end of the bar and have women circle around you, waiting for you to approach them when your body language exudes sex appeal and confidence. [Read: 25 things about a man that make him instantly attractive to women]
#2 Dress well. The second part of looking good is to dress well. When I say well, I don’t just mean dress smart. Also dress with a unique style that makes you stand out. Perhaps you can wear interesting jewelry or bright colors. Maybe you can wear a suit when most people are in jeans and a blazer. You might even wear that obscure band shirt in the hopes that a lady of similar musical inclinations will approach you.
When you are in good shape, you can wear pretty much anything and pull it off, just avoid tacky logos and childish clothing. The intention is to draw attention to yourself with your look, rather than with your actions. Ultimately achieving the same thing that the outgoing guy does with his high energy: to get women noticing you and checking you out. [Read: 10 ways you can stand out from the crowd]
#3 Be comfortable in your surroundings. Whether that is chatting with your friend, or wandering around the club on your own. Do what you enjoy and what makes you feel comfortable. Don’t feel like you have an obligation to be in your friends’ pocket all of the time. If they want to dance and you don’t want to, do your own thing for a while.
If you look awkward or uncomfortable, women will think you are boring or weird. You need to be happy in yourself and around other people in this sort of environment, without it fazing you. You don’t have to actually talk to anyone if you don’t want to. Personally, I spend more time people watching than I do talking to people.
#4 Understand women’s signals. Guys are pretty straightforward, and we tend to say and do as we mean. Women are much more subtle, and they won’t usually blatantly check you out or come and talk to you – although, it does happen more when they are drunk. [Read: 8 clear cues a girl gives away if she wants you to make a move]
Women will glance at you repeatedly, hold eye contact, brush past you when there is space to not do so, and just hang around in close proximity to you. They might come and stand right next to you at the bar to order a drink, even if there is plenty of space further along the bar. These are the subtle signals that you need to learn to recognize.
If in doubt, assume that she is flirting with you, and approach her anyway. Over time, you will learn to instinctively feel if she is indeed flirting with you or if she just happens to keep running into you by mere coincidence. [Read: The types of women you can expect to meet at a bar]
#5 Hold eye contact. This is the easiest way to let a girl know that you are interested in her without even having to speak to her. If she holds eye contact back, smiles, or looks away and giggles, and then quickly looks back, she probably likes you.
It takes a certain degree of confidence and comfort to hold eye contact, so practice it regularly until you are comfortable doing so. This way, you know if a woman probably already likes you, so you won’t waste your energy talking to women who are just not interested in you.
#5 Don’t fear rejection. You want to put the odds in your favor by making eye contact and seeing if she reciprocates or flirts with you in some other way. Even when you do this, you will still sometimes be rejected for any multitude of reasons that are usually not because you are butt ugly or a horrible person, so don’t worry about it!
It happens. It doesn’t do you any harm. You don’t know her, and she doesn’t know you. She is probably drunk, and you will never see her again. If you are effected by her rejection, you probably need to work on building your self-esteem before focusing on meeting women. [Read: How to approach any woman and make her like you even before you talk to her]
#6 Manage your mood. You can’t let a rejection get you down. Equally, you do not want to get stuck in a conversation that is going nowhere or any other activity that is sapping your limited social energy.
You have to really manage your mood and ensure that you keep a positive frame of mind. If you’re not having a good time, I guarantee that nobody will want to talk to you. Don’t be scared to just take some time out, go chill with your friends, or even go outside for some air and quiet time.
#7 When the opportunity arises, take it. This is the biggest mistake that many guys make. They do eventually pluck up the courage to talk to the girl they like and she is open to the approach, but he is too timid to take things further.
Sometimes, she will take the lead and move things along, but this is fairly rare, and you really just got lucky. Rather, you need to be comfortable in escalating the interaction away from friendly chitchat and to something more intimate. [Read: The clueless guy’s guide to using pick up lines and making it work]
If she is talking to you for more than 2 minutes, smiling, laughing, or touching you in any way, she likes you. Take things to the next level. Tease her, touch her back, and be confident. Take her to get a drink, to sit down, or to dance if you want to break the tension. It can be difficult to go from standing two feet apart while chatting to trying to make out, so change your location to give you the excuse to change your position relative to each other.
The same goes if you want to take her home. You need to be confident and lead her where you want her to go. Take her by the hand and say “let’s get out of here” or something similar. She will tell you if she is not comfortable with it, but if she follows your lead, it is a green light – full speed ahead!
Bars and nightclubs can be excellent places to hook up for introverted guys like you. Since you are more likely to be attuned to your surroundings and the people you’re with, you can use your powers of awareness to steer the game in your favor.