The Texting and Follow Up Guide after a Great First Date
So, you finally went out with the person you liked. Now that the hard part is over, it’s time for the harder part: establishing a new level of communication.
The way you talked to each other before the first date is significantly different from how you’re going to connect after the first date. First contact has been made, which means everything has changed.
At this point, you’re finally wondering how you’re going to proceed with your conversations through text, calls, and social media. Some say there’s a strict set of rules that you should follow, and failing to do so will put you in relationship limbo.
Those rules are usually along the lines of “Don’t call until after three days,” “If he calls immediately, dump him,” or “Guys have to call first!” [Read: WHEN a guy calls after a first date and WHAT it means]
And what do we say to that? Screw it, because there’s a new set of rules now, and it’s not the sort of closed-minded bull that was fed to us by pop culture and hopelessly unrealistic rom-coms.
What happens after the first date
Before we get into what you should and shouldn’t do after the first date, let’s take a look at what you can expect after the first date.
So, your date brings you home or vice versa, and you decide whether or not to kiss each other good-night. If you both decided to go for it, then it’s probably a good night. If you decide to sleep together, then it’s safe to say that it’s been a really awesome night. [Read: Sex on the first date – Should you give in to the urge?]
Scenario one shows you closing the door, sighing in awe of the magical evening you just had, and contemplating whether you should take a shower first, text your date another good-night, or wait next to the phone, hoping they’ll do the same.
Scenario two shows you closing the door after engaging in a hopefully amazing round of sex, heading off to the shower and drying off, while contemplating whether you should text or wait for your lover’s text.
Considering those two are extremely good scenarios, the slightly more difficult part comes next. Should you or should you not contact them? If yes, when? If not, why? If so, what are you going to say? What are you planning on talking about? What is the new format of your conversation?
We can’t help but ask all of these questions after the first date, but there’s no escaping it. You’ll have to talk to your date at some point, right? [Read: 18 sure signs your date really likes you after the first date]
When should you text
Isn’t this the big question? Isn’t this what everyone is dying to know? Why is it so important to know when a person should and shouldn’t text after the first date?
This is probably because when you text first, you’re considered the loser in the equation. You caved, so it’s obvious that you like that person more. But that’s just a load of bull crap. There’s no way to gauge a person’s level of liking you. You only know if they do or don’t. It’s that simple.
In order to find out which is which, you have to continue to communicate. In terms of texting, here is the answer to the question, when? Text them as soon as you can.
Even if you just closed your front door or left them at their apartment or just got into a cab, go ahead and text them if you feel like it. There’s nothing wrong with sending a small text to show your appreciation for the time you spent together. You can even text them good-night or tell them to drive safe. It’s perfectly normal, and quite frankly, in this day and age, it’s the polite thing to do.
Should you call or is it a turnoff
The more pressing question, aside from those about texting, is whether or not you should call after the first date. Since texting is the go-to mode of communication these days, there’s not much reason to even consider the idea of calling.
But that’s just what skeptics want you to think. There’s no reasonable stigma against calling a person after a date. In fact, it’s actually more sincere and can bolster your connection to the person you’re seeing.
So, what’s our verdict? Go ahead and call them. Just not while they’re driving.
If they get turned off at the idea that an awesome and attractive person is calling them to say thank-you for a wonderful evening, then they’re definitely not worth it. [Read: 11 honest reasons why you haven’t got a call after the first date]
What should you discuss
There’s no definitive topic that people need to broach when they talk after the first date. There are just a few things that you need to cover in order to seal the deal *no, not sex* and plan your next date.
#1 Everything you appreciated about that night. Do not lie and say something along the lines of “That was the best first date ever,” when you don’t believe it yourself. It’s best if you just tell your date how much you loved the food and how wonderful a conversationalist they are. [Read: How to keep the conversation going with the opposite sex]
#2 When the next date’s going to be. You don’t have to ask this immediately, but it’s okay if you do. If their answer is positive, then you’re all set for your second date. If not, then they’re probably not planning on seeing you again.
#3 Anything else. It’s a conversation. Of course, you can talk about other things aside from your date. Just make sure that your date is open to it, because they might be tired or they might want to talk some other time. It doesn’t mean that they don’t like you. It just means, “Not now.”
#4 Well wishes. Say your good-byes and good-nights. The conversation has to end sometime, so leave it on a happy note by wishing them good-night or a great day tomorrow.
When should you set the next date
If you had a great first date, you are going to want a second one. Here are two scenarios to consider for the timing of your next date. [Read: Second date tips to build the perfect romance]
#1 Within two weeks. This is the most ideal time to set another date because the romantic high from the last one hasn’t dissipated yet, and it’s perfectly normal to have a free day within two weeks. It’s not impossible to set a date immediately for the next day, but most people would rather wait a while before the next one, so they can regroup and think of more ways to impress you.
#2 If they’re not available *really not available*, set a date as soon as they’re ready. There are some instances when traveling and work commitments can make it difficult to set a new date. If this is the case, don’t worry about not being able to go out with them. But just in case you and your date start feeling distant, keep your options open for a moderate amount of time *3-5 weeks*, so you won’t end up waiting for someone who may not be as enthusiastic to see you again. [Read: 14 ways you may be ruining your firt date unknowingly]
What should you do on your next date and what should you expect
The second date is just as crucial as the first one, because this is when you and your partner will start to test the boundaries of your semi-relationship. At this point, you should try to have a new experience together, and you may even end up talking about deeper topics too.
#1 A date that’s unlike the first. If you did something unconventional like go-kart racing or hiking, the next should be low-key and relaxed, preferably a romantic dinner date. Do the opposite if you started with the dinner date, meaning do something different the next time so you can keep things lively and unpredictable. [Read: Top 50 amazing date ideas to wow your date]
#2 Have at least three backup locations, if no reservations are available. Some activities don’t allow for reservations, and some locations have unpredictable weather. If it turns out that you can’t go out on the date you planned, you should have at least three more ideas waiting in the back of your mind.
#3 You may open up more about your personal life. Of course, you probably talked about some personal things on the first date. This time, however, you can add a few more details and stuff that you haven’t talked about yet.
#4 What you did during the week. If you haven’t talked about everything over the phone or through texting, you can discuss what you’ve been up to since your last date. If you’ve already told them about it, try to steer the conversation to your plans for the immediate future instead. [Read: 60 get-to-know-you questions to set the mood for romance]
#5 Suggestions for future dates. You can also discuss other dates that you and your partner might be into. This way, you won’t find it difficult to set any succeeding dates. And we all know how that usually plays out for most couples. Indecisive, much?