Breakups are one of the most painful transitions that we face in our lives. The pain of losing that person you’ve loved and still love – someone you’ve shared your dreams, your life and most especially, your love – can be heart-shattering.
While some breakups can be easy to get over with, there will always be that one person – no matter what you do, you just can’t seem to let go.
The question here is, why can’t you just move on? Maybe these are the reasons.
1.) He/she was your first love.
Moving on from a break up is hard especially when it’s your first time to love someone. The pain of losing someone is new to you that’s why it’s too hard to move on.
2.) You haven’t given yourself enough time to grieve.
In a society where pretending to be happy and not paying attention to other people’s struggles are customary, the thought that “you should be over with him/her already” even if you only broke up a few months ago, is easy to internalize.
Time heals all wounds, there is no timeline on grief. You don’t need to hide the pain, let it all out. Writing unsent letters to your ex, crying, talking to your family or the closest friend are the things you can do to let yourself grieve. When grieving is cut short, it’s stuck in your body making you feel sadder and hindering yourself to be happy and positive.
3.) You keep stalking him.
Checking his/her social media accounts won’t help you get over him/her. You will only end up feeling a bit jealous when you see that he/she has already found someone new. Restricting yourself from stalking him/her can be a big help in your process of moving on.
4.) You haven’t had closure.
Having closure means that you both accepted the fact that it has ended and you both decided to separate. But when your relationship ended without a closure, it would really be hard for you to get over that person. Closure means finality, and it is really important when a relationship has ended.
5.) You have a low self-esteem.
One of the thoughts we always fear of is “not finding the right person for us.” We get scared of getting back out there, thinking that in the end you will never be good enough and they will all leave you alone. Or maybe we get too comfortable with the familiar so we just stay there and it just gets harder to let that person go.
6.) You have all these “what ifs” in your mind.
“What if he comes back?” “What if he still loves me?” – Those are the questions you keep repeating on your mind even when it’s been years since you broke up. If he hasn’t done anything to make it up to you, then it’s time to stop reminiscing all those memories and asking those questions because you’re the only one who’s going to end up hurt and broken-hearted. Stop torturing yourself, you deserve more than those memories.
7.) You feel guilty or you blame yourself.
Breakups are an opportunity for you to learn more about yourself, where you can also improve and grow. Sadly, because most people have a hard time tolerating emotional pain, ego steps in and it results in a scenario about “why the breakup occurred”, either blaming everything on yourself or your partner.
While this blame-game separates you from feeling pained and broken-hearted, it does not help you grieve and improve into a better version of yourself.
8.) You were in a long-term relationship.
Losing someone whom you’ve been in a relationship for a very long time is hard to deal with. You have become accustomed to the feeling that he/she was always there for you through ups and downs and you’ve forgotten the feeling of being single and alone.
9.) You’re still waiting.
Waiting is not bad of course, especially when you still have feelings for this person. But if it’s going on for years and still nothing has happened, that means you need to stop waiting for that person. You keep on missing open doors or opportunities that can help you improve yourself.