Weddings. They’re supposed to be this time of love and happiness. Of appreciating a relationship becoming one and recognizing two people who want to spend forever together. It’s supposed to be a time that fills you with hope and joy, but as a single person, it can be fucking awful.
When you’re in your 20s and going to a wedding single, it doesn’t really matter. You’re there to party and have a good time. Make some friends, eat all the cake you want, drink all the boozes you can find. Possibly even make poor decisions or two that makes the bride and groom question why they invited you in the first place. That is the thing about being single in your 20s, it is all fun and games.. Until you realize 30 is right around the corner and ready to bite you in the ass.
When you’re in your 30s and preparing to go to a wedding single, it is an emotional roller coaster. Of course, you’re excited for your friends and wish nothing but the best for them. The thrill of getting to dress up and being around people that you haven’t seen in a long time is exciting. Once in a while, there is the glimmer of hope that one day, that could potentially be you, but the moments of pure heartache and anxiety kick in when you’re reminded that your younger friends, your party friends, the friends that you thought, “There is no way in HELL they will find someone before me”, are walking down the aisle, while you’re still sitting on the sidelines simply waiting for someone of the opposite sex to feel the same way about it. It’s absolutely soul-crushing.
As I have three weddings quickly approaching in the upcoming months and I find myself with riddled with anxiety. I’m not sure where exactly it came from, but all of a sudden, panic slapped me in the face. Not because of the preparations for weddings. Not in the idea that a lot of my time and money will be spent on these weddings. Not even on the idea that I need to lose some damn weight to look good in those bridesmaid dresses, but in the idea that I don’t have someone to be by my side at these weddings.
I’ve never thought of myself as “one of those girls” who needs a man to get by, but when I turned 30, the “single” looks started to change. You know THAT LOOK. The look people give you when you say you’re still single.. When you’re in your 20s, people expect you to be single. Figuring out life and what you’re looking for in the world, but in your 30s, you’re supposed to have it together. You’re supposed to have the job, the house, the white picket fence, and of course, that man by your side. But what happens when you don’t? What happens when you’re still on the hunt for a good life long wedding date?
The easy answer. You drown in your own paranoid anxiety. You relish in the scared feeling that you could be going to all these things alone and be forced to wear a smile on your face where you would prefer to be swimming in a bottle of Jack Daniels. You try to talk about your feelings, but you potentially scare off any hope of a man by even bringing up the idea of them possibly going with you. So you keep to yourself. You don’t tell your friends because you don’t want to ruin their happiness. You don’t try to think about it until a wedding event comes up because you don’t want to live in that sorrow all the time. And you most certainly don’t bring it up ever to that guy again because clearly, that wasn’t where his mind was heading.
So as I sit here and write this, cleansing myself of my own single’s anxiety, I ask you to please take it easy on those who are still looking for love 30 and older. You would think, 31 isn’t that old, but that “still single look” that you get every single time would say otherwise. Believe me, it’s not easy spending your weekends alone. I can assure you, it’s more disheartening than not to continue to put yourself out there only have another disappear or just leave you hanging in the balance of what could have potentially gone wrong. And most certainly, from all of the single experience in the world, it’s not always a choice.
