When jealousy gnaws us
Jealousy is a feeling that is well known to every human being. For example, small children react jealously when the sibling receives more attention in the form of gifts or praise.
We are especially aware of the negative feeling of jealousy when we are in a relationship. If we learn that the partner or partner is getting along very well with another person, it is not uncommon for us to feel that they may be a bit too sympathetic.
Jealousy is the fear of losing the person by our side to someone else. We see our partnership threatened from the outside.
If jealousy plays a central role in one’s own relationship, then the question must be asked whether there is a good reason for it, or whether the jealousy arises from low self-esteem.
Often, the cause of the nagging sensation lies within ourselves. Affected are people who find it difficult to accept and love themselves. Every human being has points with which he is not completely satisfied. The one quarrels with the shape of her nose, the other with a few kilos too much that bother him. The situation is critical when a person discovers nothing positive about himself.
Those who do not treat themselves with love, rely on benevolent words from friends and partners. He receives the missing love from the outside and yet he is unable to accept this love really. Instead, sufferers are dominated by the idea that the partner is just fooling them. How should the partner really love her for what she is when she does not even like herself?
Accordingly strong are the loss anxiety and feelings of jealousy. Sufferers are constantly thinking that the partner could find someone better and could leave them for that person. Subliminally, the person concerned constantly compares with people from his environment. The problem lies in the fact that the person concerned always performs worse in this comparison. As a result, the self-esteem is getting smaller. They do not consider themselves attractive enough and live with the fear that it will not be long before the partner realizes that he could have a more attractive partner.
Permanently, this is an extreme burden on the relationship. The partner can continue to affirm so often that there is no other person in his life, the jealousy does not disappear.
The only way to fight this jealousy is for those affected to meet themselves with more love. Only those who recognize for themselves that they are love able and have a good time with themselves, are able to accept the love of the partner and lose the constant fear that the partner could meet someone else.
Legacy from past relationships
Man is always shaped by his experiences from the past. Unfortunately we do not collect only beautiful experiences in love. The first lovesick hurts, the first separation seems insurmountable. If we are deceived, it is an experience that burns deep into your memory and that shapes our lives.
Many people are capable of processing this horrible event, completing it and looking forward again. In addition, there are also those affected who do not succeed in this crucial step. They realize that life goes on and are even able to fall in love again. But they have forgotten how to trust. Too dramatic has been the experience of giving someone complete confidence and ultimately being disappointed.
They take this legacy into the new relationship. As soon as the new partner has a behavior that they have encountered in the previous relationship, such as not responding to a message immediately or wanting to go out alone with friends, all alarm bells ring and jealousy streams through the body , They fear that they will have to go through the same hell they once had to go through and, of course, want to protect themselves from this feeling of chaos.
Again, the new relationship is jeopardized by the jealousy because the jealous person does the partner wrong. The only way to remedy this situation is to keep the person concerned in mind that he is no longer with the person who abused the trust, but that a new partner is now on his side. This new partner deserves the fullest confidence, because he can do absolutely nothing for the missteps of the exporter. Those affected must therefore learn to trust the new partner again. However, this is a process that does not succeed overnight and means a lot of work on ourselves.
If the jealousy is justified
Difficult it is, if there is a concrete trigger for the jealousy. For example, when it is known that the partner in the previous relationship has been cheating several times or we have already been cheated by him or her. Then the fear of loss is not due to lack of self-love, but by the misconduct of the partner.
Of importance for the possible continuation of the relationship is whether the infidelity was purely a sexual affair, or whether the partner has feelings for the other person. Sticking to the partnership can only be an option if the partner has not developed any feelings of espionage and they are both prepared to work on themselves and the relationship.
As so often, in this initial situation, communication is the alpha and omega. Only when we express our own feelings (yes, even the fear of losing the partner) and openly address that we are jealous can the partner act accordingly and on us received.
Nevertheless, we have to ask ourselves the unpleasant question of whether we will even be able to give the partner full confidence one day. If the disappointment is too deep, perhaps because the partner has cheated on us with a friend of whom he has always said that nothing will ever happen to him, it is questionable how much meaning the relationship still makes. Frequently, sufferers talk to forgive the partner’s escapade really. However, if it comes to a dispute, each time the fraud is discussed and accused the partner. This is a clear indication that the misconduct of the partner is far from being processed and ticked off, but is always buzzing around in the head of the deceived person and this person still busy.
