Is there anything worse than when the person you love more than yourself isn’t in love with you anymore? Breaking up is never an easy situation, not even when you are the one to end it. When someone else pulls the trigger, it makes it that much more excruciating. There are ways to wallow in your own pity party, and there are things that help get you past the hurt hump. It is all about knowing what to do when you miss someone.
Missing someone is a mindset. Often, we make ourselves miserable by holding onto the loss. How many times do you stop yourself just to remind you that you are supposed to miss them and that things aren’t right? The key to stop missing someone is to distance the feelings and put them on hold.
What to do when you miss someone – 10 ways to ease the pain
What does that mean? Psychology tells us that the human brain was not designed to analyze its own feelings within a situation. Unfortunately, it is also wired to try to do so. When you go over a situation in your mind to try to find closure or to make sense of what happened, you only keep yourself stuck.
At the heart of the feelings of loss is you. No one makes you feel the loss but you. If you want to move forward, it takes the will to let go of the hurt, move past the emotions, and put the entire situation on the back burner until a time when you can think of it without it hurting. Stop continually pulling yourself back into stuck, and let yourself move ahead with these tricks.
#1 When the thoughts creep in, push them away. It is natural for loss to creep in and ruin just about any moment you have, but only if you allow it.
#2 Try new experiences. The best way to let go of the past is to move on with the future. By performing the same old habits and living in groundhog day, you keep yourself stuck in a rut. If you mix things up a bit, then you change patterns in your life that may be keeping you miserable.
Patterns are ways our brains get stalled into making assumptions and assuming we know things about the future that we don’t. If you overhaul your life to include new things and experiences, they overshadow the habits that keep you from healing.
#3 Stop convincing yourself out of moving ahead. When you end a relationship, it is human nature to feel some allegiance to it. If you forget about it too quickly, there can be guilt and remorse at not grieving it too much.
#4 Realize you aren’t going to solve loss through reason. The problem with loss is that we have a tendency to try to make sense of it. There is no sense to love. Even the best psychologists and scientists can’t explain why we love who we love, or how we fall in or out of love.
#5 Stop allowing the triggers to get the best of you. Triggers are emotional hot buttons that catapult us back into hurt long after we’ve moved on. We all have emotional triggers from our childhood, past relationships, and any hurt we experience.
If you know that something is a trigger and elicits a backslide to your healing, then make a special note of it. Make sure never to put yourself in the position to let that trigger go off again. In time, emotional triggers hurt less and less. But, while still fresh, they are very destructive to whatever progress you make.
#6 Stop the negative thoughts. Constantly trying to go over what went wrong will do nothing but bring up negative thoughts of your breakup and loss.
Rehashing the situation never gives you the answers you need, it only brings back the negative ending of your relationship. Negativity does nothing but hurt you emotionally. It keeps you stuck in a cycle of hurt, so stop dragging yourself back in.
#7 Avoid running into them or things that remind you of them. Sometimes we have an illusion that if we just see them that it will make the hurt less. The truth is that running into them only opens whatever part of the wound you could heal.
#8 Don’t hang onto memories. Memories can be awesome, but sometimes they can be too soon. If you want to get over someone, the worst thing you can do is sit and daydream about all the awesome things that you used to do together. When relationships end, we typically hold onto all the good times and negate the not so good.
That leaves us with a false sense of what the relationship truly was and what we lost. If you want to get past the hurt, then you should stop hanging onto the memories and reliving them. It isn’t doing you any favors.
#9 Stop talking about it to friends and family. Talking aloud can be very cathartic. But, after a breakup, we often try to make some sense out of the part we played and try to place blame or absolve ourselves from any.
If you want to move on, then stop asking for the opinion of others or talking to your friends about how you feel. They already know, and continually bringing it up over and over, will only keep you in a rut and eventually pushes them away leaving you more isolated.
#10 Don’t bring yesterday into today. If you want to know what to do when you miss someone, it is all about starting each new day anew. That means not bringing yesterday into taint today.