When you’re still healing from all the ways love broke you, you don’t always say what you feel. You’re afraid to say or give too much because the last time you did that, you ended up with a broken heart and a bunch of lost memories. The last time you trusted a person with your heart, they didn’t understand it, they didn’t nourish it, they took it for granted. The last time you trusted a person with your heart, you ended up with a bunch of regrets and another disappointment.
When you’re still healing from all the ways love broke you, little things can turn you off; certain behaviors, certain words, certain actions trigger all your fears, they remind you of a pattern you’ve seen before that didn’t work for you, they warn you that this may not be a different story after all and they remind you that maybe your heart is fooling you once again.
When you’re still healing from all the ways love broke you, you make it a point to never get too attached to anyone, to never need a person because they can always leave. You’re always prepared for that moment, you’re always relearning how to live by yourself. You try not to get blindsided again. You’re always ready to be on your own because that’s what truly took ages to build, your self-esteem and self-worth, and that’s the only thing you’re trying to protect.
When you’re still healing from all the ways love broke you, you learn to just let go. You want to fight for certain people but you stop fighting once you feel like you’re fighting alone. You want to travel the world with the person you love but you also book a ticket anyway. You want to give everything you’ve got but you also hold back when you feel like you’re the only one giving. You want to show all the vulnerable and soft sides of you but you also know how to be tough and resilient; not willing to bend or compromise your standards.
When you’re still healing from all the ways love broke you, you unknowingly put an expiration date to any new relationship when it makes you more guarded, more skeptical or more confused. You unknowingly pull back instead of letting yourself fall and if I’m being honest, I’m still trying to figure out if that’s a blessing or a curse.