There are two types of people in my life. There are the surface people who look at me like I am laid back and couldn’t care less about anyone or anything, and then there are the people who truly know me.
The truth is I made my way through life being called “Julial.” What does that stand for? That stands for “Julie will.” Why do people call me Julial? Exactly for what the sentence implies, Julie pretty much does anything to make people happy.
I sometimes teeter between thinking I am a “pleaser,” but when it all comes right down to it, it stems from insecurity. I forever assumed people simply couldn’t like me for what was inside, I assumed they were more interested in what was on the exterior and what I could do for them.
People who are insecure think if someone knew who they were on the inside, all hell would break loose. Take for example, the features I write… I typically ask myself “why would anyone want to read what I have to say?” Here is the biggest reason why I think this–because I am insecure.
See, when someone calls you insecure, what you hear is a negative connotation.
Why am I insecure? The key to overcoming insecurity
If you wonder why you are insecure, there is probably a time in your childhood where someone significant, or someone you valued, made you feel not good enough. You internalized it and carried it around like a backpack. The bigger unfortunate, the same person set you on a course to find people who disapprove so you convince them that you are worthy of love.
A continual apology tour, early experiences likely set you out to seek people who are judgmental and tell you what you want to hear *which by the way is not a good thing*.
Find your inner awesome
If you want to find security, change these 20 habits and find the awesome inner you who doesn’t give a shit.
#1 Stop thinking your job is to make people happy. No one put you on earth to make everyone else happy. Stop thinking it is your job. Often, people with insecurity put the feelings of others ahead of their own.
#2 Realize there are going to be people who don’t like you specifically because everyone likes you. You don’t like everyone, do you? You must stop thinking that if you were better, nicer, kinder, prettier, or whatever, people would like you. Some personalities just don’t meld together well.
#3 If someone doesn’t like you it is on them, not you. It is okay if someone doesn’t particularly care for you. It isn’t your problem, it is theirs. Some people will not like you because you try too hard to be liked. It is a complex world, people are complex beings.
#4 Stop thinking you are so important. The problem many insecure people have is they, and I hate to sound mean because I don’t mean it this way, think too much of themselves. Truthfully, humans are pretty self-absorbed creatures.
#5 Ask yourself why you don’t deserve the same piece of the pie. Insecure people don’t think enough of themselves to think other people like them or that they deserve good things. If you are insecure, you should figure out what it is about yourself that you don’t think is worthy of love or good things.
#6 What’s the worst that could happen if someone doesn’t like you? When you are insecure, you care very deeply about what others think about you. It is nothing more than a whole lot of wasted time. Before you start to ruminate about why someone didn’t call you back and lead yourself down the “I did something wrong, and they don’t like me” train.
Stop to think about what is the worst that could happen if they didn’t like you. There are billions of people on earth. If they moved on, there are other people in your life, let them go.
#7 Learn to love you. Insecurity really comes down to you not liking you. If you are okay with yourself and love who you are, then you don’t really care about what others think of you.
#8 If you like you, who cares about anyone else? If you want to dance in the middle of the hallway, do it. Insecure people care way too much about what other people think. If you like you, if you like to do something, or you want to do it, just do it. Stop being limited by worrying so much about what other people think. So what if they don’t like you? How does that hurt you unless you let it?
#9 Stop judging other people. Often, people who are hard on other people are hard on themselves. Perhaps if you stop judging other people, you will stop feeling like people judge you.
#10 Forgive yourself. Insecure people feel bad about themselves. It usually stems from their childhood or past experiences. Whatever it was in your past that made you form your opinion of yourself, whether it was an overbearing mother, a father who couldn’t be bothered with you, or a learning disability that had you on the “slow track,” stop seeing yourself in that light.