Love is a wonderful feeling. It inspires us to become the best that we can be. It allows us to see the good out of the bad, and at the same time, it teaches us to value the littlest things in life. But at the same time, being in love can cause us pain, and each of us, at some point, has already experienced this. Unfortunately, this kind of pain is inevitable.
But why it so painful to be in love? Here are the reasons that you may want to ponder on:
1. We tend to expectations when in love.
When we are in love, all we can see are the beautiful things. We yearn for sweetness and affection. We also look for the tangible ways in which our feelings can be represented. Because of these cravings, we tend to set expectations on how love can be exercised, and we end up getting hurt whenever these are not met.
Indeed, feeling frustrated is normal, but there is no need to wallow in the pain brought by failed expectations. The most beautiful thing when in love is when we finally learn to rise from our failures and enjoy what we have and what we don’t have. This is because love comes in different forms and ideals, and it is up to us how to interpret it these to keep us happy and content.
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2. We feel hurt when we are not loved back.
Another reason why being in love can be so painful is because we also expect to be loved back.
According to a popular saying, the greatest form of love is the one that is unrequited. And more often than not, we fall in love with someone who just couldn’t love us back the way we want them to. This is can be very painful, mainly because this blocks you from doing expressing your feelings for that person. Worse, you do not get the same kind of love from that person in return.
Whenever you fall in such state, it is best to keep in mind that true love is one that does not ask for anything in return. True love allows you to be happy and content with what you can give despite the limitations, and not demand for anything else.
3. We start to feel the pain when we realize that we are tired of giving.
Love makes us selfless. It drives us to give everything, such as patience, effort, and respect. But as we go along with the flow of loving someone, there are also instances when we start to feel tired of our actions. There are even times when we already feel numb, mainly because we have given all we’ve got just to make things work.
But the pain of being tired doesn’t mean that we have to give up on love. Perhaps it is just a phase where we have to learn to take a step back and rest. When we give too much of ourselves, we also start to lose ourselves in the process. And feeling tired means that we need to give ourselves the time and space to breathe, so that we can rejuvenate the love that we’ve been fighting for all this time.
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4. We feel the pain when we do not feel the comfort from our significant other.
We also tend to experience pain even when the person we love reciprocated our feelings. This occurs when we do not feel the comfort and contentment from the other party. While this can be easily addressed, not doing so may lead to other problems and even irreparable damage.
The reason behind this may be because as two different individuals, you and your partner have different concepts of love and how to express it. You may be yearning for sweetness and affection, while they are into the more practical aspects of love and relationships. You two may want to sit down on this and talk things over, so that you can find a common ground and express your feelings for each other in a rather complementary manner.
5. Love becomes painful when you try to win in arguments.
Love, while it makes us happy and contented, also drives us to be greedy and selfish. There are many instances when we fight against our significant other because we want to get something, and we do our best to win in the argument. When we start to think only of ourselves and what we are getting, then we get hurt each time we fail in these petty fights.
Love is not only about getting, or only about giving. It is a two-way street where you give and take. This means you have to understand your partner and vice versa. You give way whenever necessary, take whatever is there without causing each other pain.
6. Love becomes painful once you lose it.
As much as we’d like to think that being in love is forever, it is not. Lasting relationships are not only made of love per se, but of commitment and compromise. Staying true to these decisions are the things that usually keep us hanging on, no matter how hard the situation becomes in the long run.
However, love causes us the most pain once we lose it. This is when our partner gives up and no longer wishes to continue life with us. This is especially harrowing when we have not yet given up yet, when we are still inspired to celebrate this love, but the person we should be celebrating this feeling with is no longer there.
We are entitled to grieve whenever we experience this kind of pain. But along the grief, we should also learn to accept and rise up again, because life continues even as love fades. We do not know what the future has in store, thus we have to prepare for it after going through the pain that this love had caused.
It may also help to keep in mind that being in love doesn’t mean you have to give everything to your chosen recipient; it’s better to leave some for yourself, as this is the love that will heal you of all the pain you will encounter. This will also be the cure to the grief and will be the only kind of love that will allow you to face life as a stronger and better person.